Thanksgiving Thanks

Bah. I'm crazy. For those of you who know me, you know this. For those of you who don't know me but have read my blog, I'm sure that you are catching on. I'm crazy. Passionate. As Feist sings, "I Feel It All", sometimes too much. I have high high highs and low lows. My dad said to me once, "Cailin, you can't just be happy or sad - you are either overly ecstatic or you take on all the sadness of the world. Too extreme." So I've tried to work on finding a happy medium, but after years of trying and trying, I've just accepted that I'm always gonna be a bit unbalanced! Recently I've been feeling overwhelmed with sadness, I feel it all the way down to my bones. And to add to that, I just realized that I am growing older every day - and that this is LIFE. I'm living it. My mom and my dad aren't going to make decisions for me anymore, I have to make them. My parents aren't going to provide for me anymore, I need to take care of myself. Shit - it's a lot for somebody to process. Anyways, I woke up this morning with swollen, tear-filled eyes, one of those low low days. I drove over to my parents dwelling on all that's been uninvited into my life recently but won't seem to go away. Boohoo. When I got to my parents, my mom gave me a card that said "Sometimes life seems hard but there's always lots to be thankful for. I'm thankful for you." It made all these things I've been worrying about seem so, ridiculous. I have so much to be thankful for.

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” -Woody Allen

I'm thankful for my Dad, my bearded mountain man who loves me more than anybody ever has or ever will. For his thoughtful advice, his loud mouth, "killem n eatem" and "you're dead to me". Ha, for always making me laugh, teaching me how to surf, how to fish and how to just 'ride the river of life'. I'm thankful for my Mom. She is a force, 'I'm woman hear me roar' - you can feel her presence before you even see her. Since the day I was born she has lived for me with such fierce passion that only mothers have. For her ability to whip up a party for 50 likes it nothing, and how champagne is totally acceptable 365 days of the year, 24 hours a day. I'm thankful for her teaching me how to play my first chord on the guitar, it changed my life. I'm thankful for my beautiful, bunny-loving, wonderfully gifted and artistic, wholesome and giving friend Gina. She makes me a better person just knowing her. Selfless and sincere. I'm thankful for Julia who I've known since birth, and it doesn't matter if we go a minute, an hour, a week, or a year, we always just pick up where we left off. I'm thankful for my friend Sharon and her boyfriend Jeff who have become family, caring for me, feeding me, and making sure I laugh. I'm thankful for Sharon's love of baking pies, and the hours she puts into it, and Jeff's unwavering passion for 3 things: surfing, fishing, and Sharon. I'm thankful for Christian and how he always knows how to make my new song better, make it complete. For his freakishly amazing mind, his love of music, cigarettes, Jeopardy, and his snoopy t-shirt. I'm thankful for Sven's energizer-bunny-energy, his fire for love - particularly Tara, and his child-like-innocence. He's one of the most talented people I have ever met, and he plays the djembe with his whole soul. I'm thankful for my quirky Corkill and her crazy glasses, her Asian travel destinations, her desire to try every food there is and travel to every spec of the globe, and her love for kickball and playing ping-pong with the old Japanese men down the street. I'm thankful for Paul, who is the closest thing I'll have to a brother--for all the nights that he's listened to me laugh, rant, and cry. For giving me a home to live in, rides to the airport, and for being my date-night-dinner-buddy. I'm thankful for Rob Kulisek's beautiful photos and his obsession with everything retro. I'm thankful for Bart's ability to tell the same story over and over and over with just as much enthusiasm as the first time he told it. I'm thankful for Andy and his 'pep-talks', and his drive and determination to be successful - and he does it with integrity. I'm thankful for Emily Bogushefsky and her sweet words that pick me up whenever I'm down. I'm thankful for Strathmere. I'm thankful for Rochelle and her love for Martha Stewart, for Harry's fabulous coffee, Jill's sweet innocence, and Fiona's chubby cheeks. I'm thankful for the blues. For Bonnie Raitt, Mississippi Fred McDowell, Iron & Wine, Cold War Kids, Cat Power, Meiko, Martin Sexton's "Glory Bound" and Gillian Welch's "Revelator". I'm thankful for my ten fingers that play guitar and write songs. I'm thankful for Linda Goodman and all of her astrology books. I'm thankful for Channin and my fabulous, love my of life 9' pintail. I'm thankful for soft-spoken Gordon and his love for Julia, cooking and meat. I'm thankful for Ceceila who has overcome more than anyone a know, and did it with a smile. Jessie for surviving, and coming out 'green'. I'm thankful for everyone I've met and will meet, everywhere I've traveled and will venture to go in the future. I'm thankful for wine, miller high life, and my dad's kick ass gin & tonics {supersized and ice cold}. I'm thankful for surfing, which has saved my life and given every day a purpose. I'm even thankful for ex-boyfriends, who taught me a lot about myself, dealt with my madness, and still care for me to this day. I'm thankful for the internet; myspace for getting my music out there, facebook to keep in touch, and my blog for helping me release some of the madness that's running around in my head.

If I don't stop now, it may never end. My point is, there is SO much to be thankful for. Just step back and look in. I'm thankful that it's Thanksgiving and that I have so much to be thankful for.

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.” -Buddha

Thank you to all of my friends, those mentioned above and those that weren't, you make me complete.

“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” - Albert Schwietzer

HAPPY THANKSGIVING